Saying Goodbye

To my grandmother Judi

My relationship with death has always felt at a distance. Last Wednesday, my Dad let me know that my grandmother, Judi, whom I know as Nana, passed away peacefully while in hospice. When I got the news, I paused and then went straight back to work, almost as if it didn’t register. I worked all day, the most productive I’ve been in weeks, all while numb. It was not until I walked out of my house to go to the gym that it hit me…all the memories flooding back to me. I couldn't stop crying throughout my entire workout.

It was my Nana who nurtured me to be the biggest version of myself I can be. A free spirit herself, she taught me that within one life, there are endless lives that can be lived. A Cali girl, by way of Berkley, Nana lived life as a renounced upper-middle-class Black elite turned activist. She was married four times, gifted with the art of witty comebacks, smoked what felt like endless cigarettes a day, and would crush a beer like it was water. She lived her life as an adventure, and stubbornly, no one can tell her otherwise.

Nana was a firecracker. She lived on a boat at one point, belly-danced as exercise, and traveled the world well into her 70s. She never missed a birthday or holiday to gift us something unique. One year, she bought me a ex voodoo doll, and for my brother’s graduation, had a money cake in the shape of a soccer field custom made (literally it was a soccer field that was made out of bills).

Recounting memories of Nana with my Aunt Susan, we laughed at her methods of teaching practical skills. There was one moment mid-day where I shared negotiations with my friend over an apartment, “No washer and dryer, or dishwasher for $2500? I say ask for $2200, and settle for $2300. Walk if they don’t match it.” He responded with “Great idea, I like the way you think.” I laughed because that was the first memory that came to mind after her passing. It was Nana who taught me how to haggle. She loved how much I enjoyed performing, and she said that if I had a dream to dance, I could be an amazing GoGo Dancer. Nana taught me how to play blackjack, and my brother how to play poker. She was gifted with the art of inticrite knitting and taught me at a young age. When I was bullied, I remember visiting her in Florida, where we spent a whole day writing comebacks and disses, to retaliate. Nana taught me that it’s essential for a woman to stand up for herself while not losing her natural charm.

My Nana’s passing is the passing of a matriarch. So much of my personality, the freedom I feel to be my most authentic self, came from her. Not to take others’ bullshit, to stay curious, and to fight for others. She nurtured my admiration for social justice groups like the Black Panthers, and to use photography as a tool for storytelling.

Thank you, Nana, for showing me that life can truly be what you make of it, no matter what cards you were dealt. To celebrate your life, I enjoyed a beer, martini, and a cigarette in your honor.

Gallery Updates

Following up on my letter of love and admiration for my grandmother, I am sure she is pushing me to share that I exhibited in a gallery show this past January with APA. Located at the Soho Gallery for a week, my work “Mother. Mom” was showcased alongside other talented photographers of APA. I believe this is my first New York City show, at least of my recent work of the past 5 years.

Thank you, Zen, for the coverage.

CALLING ALL OF MY LOS ANGELES PEOPLE!

I AM EXCITED TO SHARE! I am participating in a group gallery show at the Leica Gallery in Beverly Hills! This is my first show in Los Angeles, and it’s of my Queer nightlife photography. My series is called The Sapphic Way, and it features nightlife coverage of Futch, Chlomosexual, and Lez Get Physical, all Queer, lesbian centered events. I am excited to step away from my award-winning series Size of a Grapefruit (of which I love and adore), and now give my more recent, documentary photography its glory.

Thank you, Paris Chong, for including me in your show Broad Strokes for Women’s History Month. This is my fourth window display to promote a show I’m in! LIKE?! Is this my life! Yes…yes it is <3.

Lez Get Physical

One of my favorite events of the year, Lez Get Physical, happened last Saturday, and it was once again a blast to cover. What I love about Queer events is the absolute freedom to express yourself, your gender expressions, and essences, with little judgment and always community support. Lez Get Physical is a lesbian oil wrestling event that is sexy, seductive, empowering, and outright freeing. Nana would love an event like this.

See more on my Patreon.

See more on my Patreon.